My Top 3 Video Game Picks for Assessing Your Relationship
By Kimberly Liang, Couples and Family Therapist
I personally love co-op games! Counter to competitive games, where players face off against one another, cooperative games have the players work together on a shared goal. They focus on building social skills like communication, empathy, teamwork, and conflict resolution. Hmmm… I wonder where these other skills might come in handy…
That’s right - They’re all the same skills necessary for having healthy relationships!
It is during moments of stress that we’re most vulnerable to engaging in unhelpful behaviors and thoughts. Games can replicate moments of stress like hosting a party, planning a trip, or being in a new country together where unhelpful patterns of behaviors show up. They can quickly go from fun and laughs to tense silence, but there is a lot less at stake in a game and when you’re stranded in a new country together, where neither of you speak the language. If you’re able to practice and master staying present and connected with each other during smaller moments of stress (like playing these games) you’re more likely to be able to move away from unhelpful thoughts and actions during times of higher levels of stress.
If you’re up to the challenge, give these games a try:
BEFORE YOU START, I have some reminders for you:
Notice yourself first and foremost. This is not about blaming your partner and saying “well they did [fill in the blank]!” This is about noticing your own patterns - do you get frustrated and angry? Do you raise your tone, yell, scream? Or maybe you get sad? Or quiet? Maybe you feel like you can’t do anything right? Maybe you never want to play again. Just begin to notice.
This, like the ikea test, is a fun way of understanding your relationship. It does not mean that your relationship is doomed and it also doesn’t mean that your relationship is perfect - it’s just one data point. Think of it as an annual physical, tests and data you collect for preventative care, so you can continue to be strong and healthy and notice any change we want to keep an eye on.
TAKE A PAUSE! This is also a great way to practice taking a break. You’ll have to identify when it’s become too stressful, advocate for your need, and communicate to your partner when to start again, perhaps even address what made the game too stressful for you.
And of course, have fun!
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