How to Mentally Prepare for the Holidays
The holidays are a time of year that almost everyone looks forward to. We fantasize we’ll finally get a break, be able to catch up on some personal goals, and actually decompress from our everyday duties. Perhaps there is even a hope or a fleeting thought about a peaceful dinner with the family where you’ll laugh around the table, share stories, and be seen.
Then Reality Hits…
And the dread of familial expectations begins to creep in. You have to pick up and drop off your parents or you’re disrespectful. You have to cook a dish and also help them prepare and/or clean-up or you’re ungrateful. You have to be talkative and share or something must be wrong. You have to listen attentively, even when you’re not given the same respect and all you hear are complaints. You recognize it’s another family gathering where you’re playing criticism dodgeball with your relatives about your life - and you don’t want to get hit. The thoughts of the family stress becomes so great, you start to question whether you want to go at all.
Despite all this, you love your family and you want a closer relationship with them. Or perhaps you have a sense of duty to spend the holidays with them - either way, you’re going to that event. Below I’ll share some tips to help increase your patience and make these family gatherings a little more tolerable.
5 tips to help with your next family event:
1. To start with something practical - Make something easy that can be served cold or can be warmed up quickly.
This is NOT the time to show off your culinary prowess and spend hours cooking “this new recipe you wanted to try” and risk getting a result you’re not happy with. Family events are stressful enough, save yourself the additional pressure and go with something tried and true, that won’t take your whole day away, which will give you more time to focus on the below tips. (Unless cooking is your happy place, I suggest we pass on the Master Chef edition this holiday)
2. SELF CARE (Especially on the DAY OF)
I cannot emphasize this one enough! It is 100% guaranteed that someone will say something that will upset you, make you feel criticized, or that you don’t agree with. In order for you to be able to let these moments go, you need to be in a good state of mind.
Maybe you’re thinking, it’s the holiday, I can’t do any of the things that make me feel good because everything is closed. Do it at home! Light some candles, play some ambient music, and bring out the face masks and nail kit. You like baths? You’ve got all morning giiirrl, get it done!
3. Identify how you want to engage at these events
This one takes time and thoughtfulness. What version of you do you want to show up for this event? Is it the part that is fun and silly? Is it the part that is attentive and caring? How do you want to engage with your family that aligns with your values?
4. Practice, Practice, Practice
Every person I’ve ever met has a story about how each member of their family would respond when they do XYZ. Use this to your advantage and practice how you would ideally respond to these comments instead. Practice may look like a quick exit, “Excuse me, I have to use the bathroom,” or “Let me think about that and get back to you” or even changing the subject.
Or maybe practice looks like addressing the issue right then and there, “Hey, I know that you’re saying this because you want me to succeed, but it just makes me feel like I’m not doing a good enough job in my career” or “I know you’re just trying to be funny, but it actually really hurts my feelings when you bring that up.”
5. Tag Team
Everyone has their go-to partner in crime at the family table. This could be your actual partner, or your sibling, or your favorite auntie/uncle. It is hard to stand up for yourself, but it’s a million times easier to stand up for someone else. Have a conversation with them ahead of the event and let them know how they can support you during these moments. Now you know you’ll always have someone on your team.
I hope some of these tips were helpful and I’m wishing you the best of luck at your next family event!
